The Purloined Princess
By Frank
A little film scenario about how things are not always what they seem. Just imagine you’re sitting in the cinema and saw the following on the screen:
First Scene
A gloomy landscape at dusk. A knight in black armour on a black steed is darting over the screen. In front of him, a bound and struggling bundle is strapped to his horse. Dramatic music in the background. Close-up on the bundle. It is a young woman with long blond hair. She is trapped in a sack, and only her face can be seen. A big gag seals her mouth. A voice from beyond: The black knight has chosen his victim once again. Each year he abducts one of the most beautiful virgins. No one so far has dared oppose him. But this time he has gone too far. He has abducted the king’s daughter.
Second Scene
Bright sunshine. Picture of a magnificent city. The gates are wide open. The sound of fanfares. A knight in white robes is galloping out of the city on a white horse. A voice from beyond: Rescue is already on the way for the princess. A valiant knight is ready to risk his life to free the virtuous and lovely princess.
Third Scene
An ominous dungeon, lit merely by hazy torches. All sorts of strange torture devices are scattered around the room. The beautiful princess has her arms and legs chained to rings that are attached to the rough stone walls. Her dress is dirty, ripped and tattered. The black knight stands before her. He pinches and tickles his captive again and again. The poor princess both screams and giggles as much as her gag allows her to do. She is struggling in her bonds and tries to pull away from her captor. But all of course to no avail.
Fourth Scene
The white knight is approaching the villain’s dark fortress. Menacing music in the background. The young hero leaves his horse at the foot of the castle. In a tedious and reckless manoeuvre he starts to scale the castle walls. Every so often he loses his grip. Each time he manages to regain it at the last minute. Behind him, stones and rubble break away from the walls and plummet into the depth below.
Fifth Scene
The hero, meanwhile, has bested the castle walls and found a way into the dungeon. Surprisingly enough, his clothes are all still a brilliant white, as if he had never come into contact with anything dirty. He is now very close to the entrance to the torture chamber. That’s when he hears the princess’s muffled sounds, emanating from a partially open door. Immediately he pulls his radiant and polished sword. The white knight then storms into the chamber full of audacity and charges the black knight. The black knight reacts immediately. He pulls his sword without a moment’s notice. A wild battle enrages, the outcome of which is yet uncertain. Eventually of course, the young hero is triumphant. He manages to wrestle down his opponent and drive the sword into his ribs. The black knight dies gurgling and coughing. At last he can turn his attention onto the princess. He unties her hurriedly. But when he has removed the gag and wants to take the princess into his arms, disbelief and unwillingness shows in her face. With a high-pitched voice that doesn’t go with her apparent loveliness she screams at the hero: “Shit, I was so close to an orgasm!”
Final Scene
The grim dungeon is shown again. The princess is leaning against the wall. The white knight kneels submissively in front of her. He tries to tie her feet with chains, but he is very clumsy. The princess, with an incensed voice, snaps at him: “Not like that you idiot, you have to pull those tighter. Have you never tied up a woman before? Not that way… first around the right leg, then the left…”
The End.
N.B.: The translation of this piece from German was done by Frank. The original author is unfortunately lost to messy archiving. Should the original author read this, please contact me!